My phone is totally ruin by the mineral water that leaked in my bag. IT CAN'T RESPOND TO TOUCH. shit. for a touch screen phone. I've been phone-less for 3 days at least. All my information are still in my phone, gotta get it out somehow. Fortunately i just managed to save my contacts to my sim card. Thank God.

I'm exhausted. Just came back from the pri4 camp. Having an overseas trip which made me ill followed by facilitating a camp for children is crazy. Slept at 2.30am last night and had to wake up at 6.30am. I seriously need to go and rest now!

One interesting incident in the camp, I got stung by a bee.

TMR TMR, I'M GG OFF TMR!
i'm kinda scared for the trip cause it's just 2 of us. Please pray for our safety and that we have a good time! May we come back all refresh and ready to move on!

Ka yan and me have something in common. Not a good thing. but, oh well, let's say we're not ready. So mean while, keeps our eyes open and avoid falling into pits.

I realised i seldom make decisions. Instead of choosing this over that, I went 'this choice opens more options in the future, choose this. Next time then i think what I want to do. ' This happened in my choosing of subject combi in JC. Seems like history is going to repeat.

Another problem it's so hard to say. NO. STOP. It's getting too far off. First time you can say that's it's not your fault as you aren't aware of what's going on. What about the Second time? The Third? You can't just push the blame to the other party.

Wait for reply, or just charge straight away with the other choice?

YEAH. vic came over today and we did what we were supposed to accomplish.
it's really cute. must rmb to ask her to send me the photos!
she told me about how to make a choice through tossing a coin.

decide on which is head and which is tail. toss a coin. if you got a head and really regretted it/wants the tail, that is actually your choice. well, i have not try it for my case yet. i'm waiting for the opportunity.

After the freak tragic accident that happened on fri, we tried to re-organise our lives again.
So currently, the jobless me is going to help clean the house. Well, i don't mind since i'm basically staying at home and doing some research.
so i guess cleaning up the house will make use of all the left over free time that i have.

things i've to do for this week
1) clean house
2) research for the places of interest for my trip
3) meet up with vic to prepare stuff
4) go out with vic, ry for lunch
5) simei's dinner
6) plan ya june picnic
7) finish reading the dating book, so i can return to phoe
8) check out on the uni i will end up in

I've to keep a look out on my spending since there's a cut in the inflow of money.
Well, got to go do the above things already. Good bye.

There's no more time for you.

I wonder if it was better if I blogged yesterday. I mean the feeling was stronger last night. There was so much I wanted to say. Just 1 day and now I have no idea how to express those thoughts that had went back to their hiding places.

Let me try to organise my thoughts again.
Firstly, I was at the VJChoir concert. Altos met up for dinner and we chatted.
The same old topics like what have you been doing, which uni you want to go, the old days, choir stuff, etc. I miss singing in a choir. I believe we all do. It's always like that, people tend to miss the times that they can no longer go back to. When the whole thing was over, you will miss the happy times and forget all about the hardwork, stress, sian-ness that you've gone through. Those tough moments that you used to say never to have to go through again.

Singing no man was touching. to us it's a song to bring back past memory. However, to them it marks the end of their journey. From now on you can no longer make changes, but only look back to what you've done.

Well, you always make girls feel special. I wonder if that's a talent or a curse. I hoped I was different, but I guess it was just another typical relationship you have. So I will let it go and move on. No point holding on to meaningless feelings.

Secondly, I should be more optimistic. It's their first few weeks and I'm already scaring them with the work. I guess no matter how bad it was I survived for 3 months, so that means they may be able to do so . It's my last week but the baggages on my shoulders doesn't have to be passed onto them. Let them find their own and carry them till the end.

2 more days .
Actually, days without work doesn't seem much more interesting now.

HELLO.

Saturday
Met up with yoon, ben and swen in the afternoon. I was really happy that they can make it for the meet up. Chit chat about their ns life and funny stuff. I wonder who they will bring for their 'party'. still hope that someone will be different and bring his mother there. HAHA.

Then, we had farewell dinner for huimin at down town east sakura. It's a pity that some of us can't come and that someone didn't really want to come. BUT ALL IS FINE. We still had fun!

So the buffet wasn't so worth it for us as we aren't great eaters and that we're full from that laughing at sebastian's jokes. I still think his jokes are a bit scary than funny. I won't be sharing his jokes here cause it's only funny when you hear it from him directly and see his stupid facial expressions. Another reason is that his jokes are always linked to me, some how or another. well, if you're really interested, i guess you can ask me and i MAY tell you.

Sunday
Really tired.

Met up with Jia ling at coffee bean. We talked for 1hr plus and went to walk around for a while then we head back home. It was a really a chill-lax session, no laughing or crazy moments but still very enjoyable. We both wonder when will it be the next time our whole class can meet up.
I doubt it will be soon for mega gatherings, but small little groups may be weeks later?

Another event to look forward to is THIS WEEK IS MY LAST WEEK!!! WOOOH HOO!
I can't believe i managed to stay on for approximately 3 months. I really pray that this final week will peacefully pass by. then friday is a farewell picnic for me!!! looking forward to it.

I'm still packing my timetable and filling up all empty slots.

TIAN, you know my secret now!! hahaha.
it's really an interesting trait right?
can't wait to find out the weird things you do in such situations too.
MUST TELL ME HOR! since I'm already so honest and frank towards you!


so yeah. do a prayer, stop thinking about it and everything will just fall in place.
be it schedule or others.

so yeah! my schedule for this week is packed!
though with some i-dunno-what-is-going-to-happen programmes.
but at least confirm got people come and accompany me !
so that's GOOD ENOUGH!!!

Now I'm pissed.

With all the different time slots that are available after our hectic lifestyles (consisting of working girls with different shifts, hardworking girl with tons of tuition, army boys with confinement and everyone else with other commitments), the common potential time that we can meet is none . that's correct ZERO. It's either you and her without me, you and me without her ... simply, we just can't have full force. URGH.

Then there comes the happiest thing. NS boys say they are most probably can come out on Friday and late shift girl say she can come after work. Meeting time is 10pm to 12am(taking into consideration of nagging parents) . HURRAY. Finally we can at least get some progress in this gathering. So exciting.

THEN AS A NICE AND OBEDIENT GIRL, I went to seek permission.

Here comes the BOMB.


NO. THAT'S TOO LATE. It's dangerous.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What? I tried to consider your point of view and said I will be back by 12am or most probably even earlier.
( attempts at reasoning / tried arguing)
Do you want me to set curfew?
(THAT WAS IT.) Even if you set, doesn't mean I will obey.
Lock the door and you can sleep outside/staircase/whatever
THAT'S GREAT. what's with saying all the above crap about it being dangerous.
=_________________________________=
shut my mouth. should totally follow instructions and stay over at my friend's house.
.
.
.
.
.
continue shutting my mouth.


So now, we're back to square.
Trying to organize something out of nothing and returning back to nothing for the whole day was just irritating.

To my soul mate:

Let this be my confession. Thank you for being my soulmate and that I can count on you to share and obtain some advice from a Christian point of view. Now I understand what you mean that sometimes people are better off as soulmates :) You've been there for me when I'm really down, with my wife (best friend) away somewhere in China and some other friends, busy with their lives. I really appreciate that.

Now it's my turn to apologise.
I'm sorry for burdening you with my troubles especially when I'm so fickle. Even I myself find it really irritating. It's not like I don't know what to do but whether I will follow through what I've decided.

I do not know your definition of feelings.
So I don't know if my interest in this means that I do have feelings for him. All I know is that I don't like to disappoint people especially when the other party tries so hard. I can easily forget and move on when I sense that the other person is not making an effort to maintain the relationship. However, I really have a soft spot for people who tries to accommodate my time to meet me, travel all the way to my side when I'm lazy to move, go along with my spontaneous requests, etc. Of course what I've just mentioned does not all apply in this case.

I really like the thrill, venturing into a situation that no one has control in. Well, I guess the above shows that I like to play. You can say I'm cruel, you can say I'm not considering his feelings, you can say I'm hurting others. Right now, I do not have the ability to break free from such sinful thoughts. Hah, I'm selfish too.

I need to find my answer and an appropriate action to settle all these.
Hopefully, it will be the best solution. Please keep me in your prayers. I will pray for you too.
May we both learn and grow in Christ.
There's nothing much human can do, let God do the impossible.
Let God fill the gaps in our hearts.
Let him lead.

Thankfully, Phoe finally remember to pass me this book (I kissed dating goodbye.) Hopefully, I can find my answer in there.

To tian, if you ever find your way here. Thanks for making an effort to meet me today. Thanks for listening to me go on and on about people too.
We're both facing problems and they are similar to a certain extent. Hopefully, we can both find solutions to our problems real soon and that we can return to our happy selves again. Look forward to the next time we meet.

That was easy.
Just a prayer and hand the matter to God.
Should do that for every single trouble I have.