i haven't been updating for a week.
well, so much have happened that i can't put them into words. feelings just keep piling up. it's this whole year worth of problems that can't be solve in a few days.

went to spiritual adoption family's house.
"are you ok? why are you so quiet"

"i'm always quiet." i said in a bhb tone.

so why? why is it that people notice that i'm quiet? if it's phoe sitting there, they won't ask rite? am i really that noisy last time? well, i think the prob is not that people notice, it's rather, why have i changed? what have i become?

anti social?
recently... i mean from the start of the year, i love to be quiet. esp in church. just sit down there and think or stone. i'm kinda tired of answering qns. standard qns. regarding how am i coping, how's my life.... WHAT CAN I SAY OTHER THAN "OK" ? can i say that i'm not doing fine. i'm really tired. i don't want to study anymore. i don't care about you anymore. i don't want to explain how i feel. even if i said all these, it can't solve anything. so what's the use of saying. plus, most of the time, i'm contradicting myself .


"will you all go to erm, what's that called, a pub? or a club?"
"NO. of course. i want to avoid temptation"
"i want to set a good example for my family"
(do you wanna hear the honest answer? i struggled.)

"yes. i don't mind. i want to go see see."

*shocked looks*

if you really know me, you know that i love to challenge traditions, people, whatever. even if i do agree with you, i just want to argue with you. doesn't that makes the conversation more interesting? and you can see things from a different view.

i remembered when i called home during class outing last friday. "Mom, i'm going home late." we negotiate about the time i should go home. blah blah. quarrelled quarrelled and i've to go home before 1145. but i said "i will take the last train."

in the end, everyone went home at 10 because the shops were all closed. no ice cream to eat.
it's like i don't want to live a life that's controlled by others. I want you to trust me. To give me the freedom to do what i want. But i will always do what you wanted me to because i don't want to break your faith in me.

"i'm struggling because i can't be a totally evil person because i will feel guilty yet i can't be a totally good person due to the environment."
i totally agree. That's why i'm struggling. the fight between the evil and the good. it's either complete victory or complete failure. anything in between is pain.

the year that i was pulled away so much that i feel like quiting bs.
friends do influence your priorities.



as i get closer to my class and further from my church.

WAH SIAN. i got food poisoning from last night choir bbq. can't go bs after service cus i've to rush home to rest. should have eaten the pill before i left house. should have eaten the pill last night when it hurts. but i thought my immune system is stronger than that.

so ytd was 9am to 9pm. out the WHOLE day. super dirty, smelly and tired but fun!

firstly, i went to tns pre camp and made new friends like yu xin, yang rong and cedar girls. got this v cute gal inside! hahaha. it was really dehydrating to be under the hot bright sun and playing PRI 4 games. like see who skip faster? however, our team is so slack, we're like playing tricks for most of the games la. then we walked to ecp and back to tns to get familiarise with the night hike..

after the pre camp, i went back to the beach with jomel for the choir bbq. and it was drizzling. finally managed to start the fire. and cook. and eat. we couldnt play games becus ppl won't coming on time and they wanted to eat first. u noe, when ppl started to eat their moods so BOOM into the nua mode. so where got mood to play. ... made me prepare for nth. THEN they keep wanting to push the activities to after the bbq food are done cooking and eatin. PLEASE la. ppl wanna go home want leh. then when most of them really gotta go we did angel mortal reveal in a messy way and end. some went home, some eat, others get high. LOL. most food was tao bao anyway. then i cope a chicken wing to eat on the way home. i think it was THAT wing that resulted in me in this plight.

sian. seriously should i just stay at home for tmr? what if i sick again?

BUT CANT PANG SEH RITE? sian.

happy bird day to my sister!!! CHEN JINCI!

may God continue to bless you each day!



today is a happy day.
why?

1) last paper of ct1
2) sing k
3) my new maid came
4) my sis bird day
5) i've enough sleep
6) no lessons tmr
7) gg to pre camp on sat
8) .... ...


but i'm kinda sad for wan swen. next time must keep a look out for each other's things and rmb not to be so careless myself.

hope qin is doing fine. i think she's also stressed over studies. jia you. a little more and u can be as free as a bird.

it's good to aim.

but i'm not those determined enough to put in so much to achieve those goals.

so what's the use of having aims in the first place?

maybe that's just an excuse for me not putting in enough effort.



went studying with wan swen at just acia. we just kept eating!



he's really cute! ahhh.
it's the feeling you get when you see your eye candy!!
but i'm supposed to be so over him already.
hmmm.

oh whatever, focus on cts first. ahhhh.


counting down to end of jc life.

to get more freedom.

don't comment if you can't do better.


went out to study with qin and kexin. once again realised how quickly money could be spent .
i'm so amazed with kexin's skills on eyelash, nails. ... ...
she did change alot but i think we all do. it's like we've to, in order to fit into the surrounding we're in now. however, i believed deep down we're all the same..


i want to do e ass NOW. but it isn't loading.

urgh.


mon is the start.

may the end comes quickly.

ok, i owe ppl lots of photos! sry. i'm too lazy to upload PLUS my handphone camera is really lousy. anw, here's some interesting stuff.

WHICH FACIAL EXPRESSION IS THE CORRECT ONE for soyjoy?

HMMMM....

went back with vic to tkg! haha. we ate so much food in the sch canteen and still went to eat jack place! yum!

<3 all my best friends!

it's beeen soooo long since i've seen qin! :( regreted the home study plan. IT DIDNT WORK OUT.

i should avoid emo talk from now on.

oh my.

there's so many things i dunno!
i keep getting headaches.

helppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp!

live in grace or
live in faith.

on the bright side, sajiko jelly drink is yummy! my headaches are not super pain. and no choir tmr.

my mum kept tellin me not to get a bf whenever there's show abt broken relationships on the tv which is every now and then. and i tell her, go be a nun la.
... ...

she just chose the wrong moment to talk to me. WHEN i'm doing e ass.