it's all in the mind.

i'm not going to let you affect me.





study.


yes. study


yes. yes. study


most imptly, God bless.

from david :

"I <3>
(oh, the perfectly normal way aka. like bro sis like that or smth. :D)

Shes strong in the queer sense of the world. She is my pillar of strength when I get disillusioned. Shes strong. Strong in the weird and pessimistic and even more despair sense. -.-

:DI still remember that time we met in the circle with lindis. How I kind of got infatuated with you in the lift. BUT NEVER AGAIN. :D Youre too precious a friend for me to fall in love the romantic way anyway. ..."

i've cut off the bottom stuff cus it's not worth knowing. BUT thanks david. u've made my night happy! after a whole series of dramatic events in the day.

breathing checked. face checked. eyes checked.
all clear. let's enter the house.

i hate crying. it's like showing that i'm weak and i can't control my own emotions.
i'm really envious of pris, even though i tink she's sad, she didn't cry.

but, it's like the time of the month that i will feel emo and adding the impact of the high stress level on me. i could hardly control myself. the whole day is already bad with me not wanting to go for jms and can't go for jts to bryan yoon showed his temper as he feels that we're taking him for granted.

i guess everyone is stressed up.

(skip this section if u dun wanna hear ranting.)
i rmbed when i was in sec 3, i was so sian of taking so many subjects suddenly and all in depth. thot that was the worst moment. then came sec 4, with everyone telling u, it's gonna be alright, u're smart and u've so many tests to struggle with. that's when i really looked forward to jc life. i thot after sec 4 it will be a happily ever after (full stop).

once again, i was wrong. j1, life gets busier with the crap timetable u've to stick to and the long hours of cca (as compared to sec sch). mid years drove me nuts. i gave up studying. promos made it worst. seeing everyone improved since then as the papers are easier. yet. urs? below average.


j2? i guess life jus gets harder.

sorry for calling you suddenly. i feel really bad depending on you like that. it's just that i find comfort in your voice. thanks for being there. u're like the random friend that i can call when i needa talk abt choir stuff. :)

i wanted to rant abt ytd so much. but i'm kinda tired of repeating the story OVER and OVER and OVER again. main points are

1) i'm starting to hate _ _ _ _ _. mayb it's because of my frens psycho-ing me that or mayb it's because i've finally seen the truth. it's a total waste of time. but... ytd's waste of time was not an internal prob but by external factors. however, i was really pissed of by people shh-ing others when it's them who are talking in the first place. IRRITATING. i wasnt even uttering A word, and i've to put up with these noises. and the seniors are really noisy. it's so late at night and they aren't even tired. SPARE a thoughts for ur poor juniors who are out since the morning at 9pm. (excluding waking up time.)

2) i'm changin my decision to go for the trip. i used to think that i may jus blurly fill up all the forms and poof! i end up in austria. but .... rating the rate of satisfaction i'ill get when i go for it as compared to the efforts for it, it's like not really worth it.

3) i'm tired of everything and the **** _ _ _ .

bye. i'm chased off the com.


may i pass all my exams with flying walking colours.

shall update!

i'm stressing up! wan swen is too! we both feel kinda depressed because CT1s are killer papers. so what's the pt of studying when u're gg to fail? to find how much we will fail by?

this sat is nus concert, choir guest performer. SIAN there goes my day. bing hao and mx asked me to bring my books to study. but it's like REALLY saddening to do so.

choir bbq crashes with JTS and i cant change any of the 2 dates. cus i'm a small fry. W. i guess i will just have to give up on JTS becus i'm organinsing choir bbq. can't pang seh. but mayb i can leave earlier then i can go catch my classmates and junior class just b4 they go home...


Jialing asked me if i really like _____ . but right now, i dun think so leh. it's kinda impossible hor. on the other hand, i alwys take super long to find out if i really liked someone... eg. ....


jia en, yi qian and eunice are so fun to talk to! i've also seen the OTHER side of joyce, where she's not so dao/sian. hahaha. cute year 1s!

SHEESH. I've become so vulgar recently.

i keep repeating my words because, MY ARMS HURT SO MUCH. it shows that i haven been using them much. but seriously, it's so painful that i can feel the gravitational force on it when i'm standing up straight. then there's still choir after all these. i so wanted to go home and sleep.

sian. sian. sian.
I sympathize but i don't agree. why must things we so complicated.
that's why i like most of the tkg girls better , i just feel a sense of connection with them. they are so much more innocent. may be they are not yet exposed to the world.

i've gotta a mortal and they say he's _ _ _ _ _.
the probability of me having a good angel/mortal to write to out of 5 of them is ________ . i should say 1/5 is a good number.


WONDER why i can type while my arms hurt, BECAUSE it's my arms NOT fingers that hurt.

today is VDAY.

i spent my day with guys. SEE I SO POPULAR. haha. no la. it's with the guys AND girls from choir. LOL.

so sad sad.

aft choir went to vs hostel to study with lin wei and disturb kai zong!

i was so bored that continue taking pictures of my dying rose. it's actually quite gross to see the inside of the rose.

ANYWAY, the moral of the story is MATH kills.

then we (me lin wei and another guy) took bus 36 and we talked so much. haha... it was really fun.

went to clarke quay to meet qin. haha. we walked the whole of singapore river to vch there. CANT find what we wanted. i guess it's destiny. HAHAHAHAH. anw, we ended up being nice good ppl and went home at ten. shall upload pics nxt time~

BORING vday. DIDNT get much stuff this year BUT....

this is frm my beloved junior YI QIAN!!! it's pink in colour in conjunction with vday! she's so cute! dun worry the "my lover" "me" words are written by me! she's nt les...

today is vday/friendship eve.

it's even less exciting as compared to last yr. cus i also didnt prepare much for it. too lazy la. wanswen baked this honey cereal thing tat's so nice! jia ling put choco on balloons sticks.

... ....

these aint the main pt. the main pt is...
i went back to TKG CHOIR. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOH.

went back with jiaen, ruby and joshua (extra tkss guy. HAHAH. jk la. is we drag him there one.) didnt get to see miss lim though. realised tat i onli noe the sec 4s and there have been a change in tchr AGES ago.

i dunno if i miss tkg, becus life in vjc is so fun/diff. but i definitely miss the sec 4 juniors. some of them changed. they've become the LEADERS now. rachel got a "older" looking face, jeanette more strict, cheryl INSISTED she looked diff with her long hair and putri w/o specs.

i've asked them if they feel older or did they mature, they said yes.

then i asked that to myself. i feel no. it's like i'm still behaving like them. even though i'm 2 years older. it's like my char to be fun crazy clumsy and stuff. it's so hard for me to turn into this firm serious calm girl. that's so nt me. thus if i'm not behaving like an calm mature adult, does it mean that i've not grown up?


i guess it can be seen from my behaviour. how come i cant be strict with ppl? why i love to help others out? why i did my hw? why i behave? it's cus i dun wanna be a burden to others or dun wanna make other's sad. it's shown in my pf 16. thus they recommend that i be involved in the social sector.

i've should have watched my mouth. why do i alwys say the wrong things. doesnt it make me a back stabber. HAIX. i noe how tiring it is to be involved in this kinda things. why cant every one be genuine and pure? do things cause u want to but not to impress ppl. ok, even if u really wanna impress ppl, just do them sometimes NOT plan ur whole series of actions. SIAN. what's this world like now? I DUNNO.

when the sec 4s so wanna grown up to find a guy...

i so wanna go back to that time where guys are just out of reach.
innocent young days.


time flies. each year is getting shorter becus the proportion of 1 yr to ur age is getting smaller.
i think u're one of the few guys i really like to hang out with.

...

i's utterly disgusted. why are there so many touchy couples everywhere. i noe vday is the day after BUT please do ur stuff in private. I DUN WAN sore eyes. it's like i didnt use to notice this kinda stuff in public areas but recently, there's an increase inthe no. of incidents. is it the society getting more "open" ? or is it me getting more sensitive?

i must keep this in mind. when i get a bf, not like i will get one soon, i will not display affection in public areas and disturb others.

so, my dear friends who does that, jus take note of this habit of mine. and dun do them infront of me. i will be disturbed.


URGH.

i've just gotten a msg frm qin that she wanna go out with kexin to watch movie. AHH! i even rejected wan swen offer to go out on sat.. now she pang sei! FINE, i go try my luck to see if swen is still available. and we go double dating. HAHA.

OH CRAP. so i'm the back up plan for wan swen. HMM. she will go study with me when no secret admirer ask her out. great. so am i supposed to keep my day free for her?

then qin ask me if i wanna go WITH her and kexin to watch benjamin buttons (which i've already watched) and some chi movie look for a star. i called her pang sei and she said it's tian who pang sei us first. COOL. i've learnt a lesson. when ppl pang sei u, u can pang sei others.

URGH. (the 2nd time). i dun freaking care. since qin is gg to make plans with kexin so it doesnt matter if i join or nt. so if i dun, i will just be the back up for wan swen.

GREAT.

ok, i sounded harsh. mayb it's because i'm in a bad mood.

SIAN.

my bruise turned red. just like the colour of my skin when i was sun burnt.

went to church and met qin aft wards. SHE WANTS ME TO CRY when she leaves.
but i hate showing the emotional side of me. it makes me feel pathetic.
however, she feels that crying is the form of showing how impt we are to each other.

well, we shall see what will happen. whether i can control my emotions well enough or not.

i've stared at at the screen for very long. not knowing what to type.

ytd was so fun that today's activity is a little pale in comparison.

went choir, met the new year 1s and we wanted to have section lunch with the yr 1s who are temporary in the section. but there's no time, so we advise them to ta pao back to sch and eat. thus, the year 2 altos went burger king with joshua (year 2) and some others...

then i headed down to dobby ghaut on bus 36 to study with marcus and met steven and ppl on the bus. then STUDY STUDY STUDY


went to eat. go home. use com. blog.

that practically summarises my day's activity.



"open the door." (i dun usually use the doorbell cus it's super loud.)
it's weird to return home w/o bugi (my maid) saying "orh" and opening the door for me.
she left for her country today and she's not coming back. as in not coming back to my house la. most probably she's coming back to sg aft she've rested enough. from now till the new maid come, we'ill have to survive. thus, no more home cook food as it's troublesome to cook/wash... (i hope this rules only apply for weekdays.)

and u can either opt in or opt out for this new dinner system. "you either eat EVERY SINGLE day at home or eat out. if u're eating at home, u've to take turns to buy food and have to accept whatever food they buy."

"OPT OUT" said my elder bro and sis.

obviously, i opted out too. i guess if there's no one to eat with during weekdays, then i'ill just go w/o. treat it as dieting then.

after which, my mum split the housechores among us. my duty is to put the clothes back into the cupboard. i guess this is the best time to learn independence. wash up after u've finished. dun keep changing clothes. dun mess up the place.


ok, i've to go now. to put the clothes in.

today was REALLY fun. it's been a while since we've a full day activity.

we start the day with class picnic at ecp when the year 1s have sea carnival! so, our class eat (western food, cny goodies, bday cake), play (monopoly & touch rugby) and also CYCLE (FOR 2 HOURS)! we're all sun "kissed". jialing fell, cus she wanted to hitch a ride from my bike when she's blading, and i was careless to increase speed when she haven grab properly. so she kinda roll on the floor like those car accidents u see on tv. but she's really brave to continue blading back even though she's bleeding. i wanted to ask her to hitch a ride from me again so she dun have to move her knees which hurt. BUT i guess she'ill never wanna try that again! oh, just an interesting pt, she laughs when she's in pain from the antiseptic. hahaha.

aft we finish the ride it's 3pm and we (classmates) rush down to ps gv to watch the benjamin movie. WOOH. it's so sad. i teared, NOT CRY ok. i'm not so emotional. hahaha. the movie lasted for 3 hrs to 7pm where we took a bus down to suntec.

grab a bite and went for mass dance! i was with my classmates at first then there's so "choir" line running around the fountain and i got pulled in. so the whole session was my running between the choir and the class lines... in the end i settled down with the choir ppl for mass dance. it's quite funny seeing the choir guys dancing with a TREE for the friendship dance. LOL. it didn't rain but the fountain splash water on us! and we're all wet and cold. FUN FUN FUN.

can't wait till next wk senior meet junior. HEEHEEHEE. well, i hope there's choir ppl in my junior class. and really hope that they are ppl i noe/ will noe.

tmr got choir!

i'm lagging behind during this whole week.

I'm running outta time, to study and other stuff.

dai ze ask me to go for mission trip durin march hols, but i've choir camp.

may nt b gg mass dance tmr, got prayer meeting.

on the bright side...

1) my leg's getting better! yeah.
2) tmr's picnic, cycling, games
3) it's weekend already

anyway, if any1 wanna go study please call me ok!!!!! CUS I NORMALLY SLACK AT HOME. urgh.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

i just need to vent it out.

"you are old enough to make you own decisions. so think about it properly yourself."

so how come you're not giving me the freedom to make decisions in OTHER aspect like LEISURE?

cca walkabout was fun, sticky and tiring. it's so fun to bully alex and collin! haha. make alex keep giving up his seat for girls and collin to wear the billboard. seeing them in orientation really make me wanna have fun too!

week of jc1 orientation. i really appreciate the school for having no lectures this week! HOWEVER, now we have so many awkward breaks in between. saw the year 1s this year. got 1 or 2 cute ones la! haha. the choir room is getting crowded with the new year 1s. well, i love to share.

my wound is itchy. i guess it's healing. SHEESH. my mum jus said my wound is infected cus there's white stuff inside.

i gtg start thinking of the future. leaving it till after As is not going to work.

we're not enough.